Wednesday, July 14, 2010

theres never any time

for anything anymore.

never any time to see my parents, talk to them like i used to, i can feel myself growing old around them. theres never time to stop and look at myself and control what i do anymore, im just doingdoingdoing. waking up, going to work, coming home, sleeping, repeat. this summer is awful. it took a lot to admit it to myself, but this is my last summer before my last summer before college (and no that sentence is not incorrect) and i think im on the verge of a mental break down.
i lost 12 pounds.
got on the scale today, ive gained five of it back.
cue near mental breakdown.
i cant control anything in my life. im falling in love with someone, maybe more than one someone? which probably sounds stupid but so many people in my life are so beautiful and so fucking unattainable.
im annoyed at everything these days and i no longer seem to have the words to express it. im losing who i am. im turning into a fat dramatic blob of nothing, just like every other fat dramatic blob of nothing in america.
im so twisted.
im so fucked up.
i need someone to talk to but i dont want anyone to talk to. maybe its just because its three in the morning, but doesnt everything feel like its spiralling out of control?
doesn't everything feel like its getting bleaker and bleaker by the second?

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