Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Looking at you through the glass,

don't know how much time has passed. Oh, God, it feels like forever.



It's hard dealing with things that you know you shouldn't be thinking about in the first place. All I seem to think about anymore are things that are bad for me, bad for my soul, etc. I think about this, I think about her, I think about him, I think about other people, and all these things are just spiralling out of control inside my head. I'm out of wack. Last year I was more organized than this and I could actually apply myself to one thing; for example, during this time last year I was on a steady diet (if you can call it that, mostly I just didn't eat), I was writing constantly, I was reading books and I could stay focused on them, and I was in touch with all my friends and my friendships were strong and happy. This summer, however... everything's different. I don't know if it's because of what happened during July, or if I just ruined it somehow along the way, or if it's just what happens when someone grows up. My friendships are harder to keep, I can't apply myself to any one thing, I haven't written in forever, my grades are slipping, I'm so out of shape it's embarrassing, and the internet is more entertaining to me than my family(surprise, surprise, there. I think that's always been that way).

Anyway, I just wish I had more will power and I could change the things I wanted to change. Every day, it gets a little bit harder.


In less depressing news, I'm in love with this guy:


Monday, June 8, 2009

I'm sorry for all the lies I told you.

It's cold here, in the city.
It always seems that way.
And I've been thinking about you almost every day.
Thinking about the good times, thinking about the rain.
Thinking about how bad it feels, alone again.
I'm sorry for the way things are in China,
I'm sorry things ain't what they used to be.
But more than anything else, I'm sorry for myself.
Cause you're not here with me.
Our friends all ask about you, and I say you're doing fine.
And I expect to hear from you almost anytime.
They all know I'm crying, and I can't sleep at night.
They all know I'm dying down deep inside.
I'm sorry for all the lies I told you. I'm sorry for the things I didn't say.
But more than anything else, I'm sorry for myself.
I can't believe you went away.

I'm sorry if I took some things for granted.
I'm sorry for the things I put on you.
More than anything else, I'm sorry for myself.
For living without you.




Im Sorry - John Denver


I miss you.

Every day. Keeping you a secret is the hardest thing I've ever done. Almost as hard as letting you go in the first place.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

I wish that we could give it a go.

Guys, it's the legit FIRST DAY OF SUMMER.

I just might cry from happiness.


My plans for this summer include:

1. Lose 25 pounds.
2. Get a car.
3. Maintain all my friendships and maybe get some new ones.
4. Finish my summer assignments early.
5. Write.
6. Read books, and not just the ones I'm assigned.


That's basically it. The rest of it's going to a romp. :D
Haha, romp.

Monday, June 1, 2009

"You invited him to BED?"

"Ridiculous, isn't it? We never would have all fit."


Oh my God, I love the Mortal Instruments books. They're so amazing. My new favorite books ever.

It's so funny.

"I am a bad ass, and I recognize that you, too, are a badass."


Also, my new obsession is Maxxie from Skins, or his real name is Mitch Hewer. He's so HOT.







OHHH, I would tap that so hard.




----
This Is For Keeps

The streets are dark, my pulse is flat-lined
as I'm running to you
You sit completely unaware of what I'm about to do
The air is thick with tension much like when we are together
My fangs are aching as I'm pondering about you and I forever

As I round your corner
I am nervous that you won't be my lover
I knock three times and hope that my pale complexion won't blow my cover
You answer the door with your innocent face
Would you like to leave this human race, tonight?

Eternity will never be enough for me
and eternally we'll live our infallible love

My brain is pumping an unusual secretion of lust
Your eyes are softer now
and your chin, it drips a bloody color of rust
I am raising up the stakes of this round, I am playing for keeps
Oh, would you like to leave this human race, tonight?

Eternity will never be enough for me
and eternally we'll live our infallible love

Follow me into the sea
We'll drown together and immortalize you and me
Leave behind this lonely town
We're both better than this, it's not worth being down

Eternity will never be enough for me
and eternally we'll live our infallible love

Follow me into the sea
We'll drown together and immortalize you and me
Leave behind this lonely town (eternally)
We're both better than this, it's not worth being down (eternally)