Sunday, March 22, 2009

take me back to way back when,

back to parking lots and friends.

so much for updating every day...
Well, yesterday I forgot because I was gone most of the day.
I went to go see Forever The Sickest Kids, Thee Armada, The After Midnight Project, Dangerous Summer, and Disco Curtis with Camille. I met most of them and it was a blast. So, recap over. Haha.

Well, tomorrow is the first day of spring break. And what am I going to be doing? Sitting here. I hate how indecisive my parents are. We were going to go to San Antonio, but my mom decided to wait until today to decide, and she says that it's going to be raining for the rest of the day, so going would be "silly." Well, if we would have left FRIDAY, it would have been beautiful the whole time we were there! Ugh.

I want a boyfriend. I need a cuddler.

Friday, March 20, 2009

and girl, i got the feeling that you're feeling something.

I need to start blogging more. Keeping all my raging emotions pent up inside me like a cap on a steam valve is just not working out for me. My, uh, valve has a serious crack forming, so I'm fixing to unload everything. And after this I'll try to update at LEAST once a day. I think it improves my health.

Okay, so, anyway.
This week has been so freaking terrible. Honestly? I spent 4 out of 5 days this week just wishing I was a good enough actress to fake a seizure and get sent home with a new diagnosed case of epilepsy, or something. My week was full of everything bad.

For instance, you know those insults people give you that are roundabout insults? Such as, "That dress is great! It doesn't make you look that fat." Yeah stuff like that. I got a ton of those this week. The only one that I'm going to allow myself to remember is me saying "God, my head looks huge in this picture." and my friend looking at it, and saying "Hey, at least you can work having a big head." I was just frozen in shock and wondering where I found some of my friends at. And then I got tons of other insults that I'm used to from Will and guys like that, but they hurt a lot more than usual because they were piled on with the ones that were hidden behind compliments, and I was just like "UGHHHHH. Why am I here? Why am I at this SCHOOL? I need to be out dying somewhere."

On top of that mild emo stuff, I also just bought a new house because our old one has a tree in it and the one we're in now is more than we can afford and our rent is up anyway. But this new house, we just realized that the insurance is twice as much as our old rent, which we already almost couldn't afford, and its in worse shape than the house we're in now. But we have no choice now, because we're out of time to look for a house. So I'm not going to get anything extra for a WHILE. And I'm going to have to get a job. And my mom's being so emo over all of this. Seriously, she is a drama queen to the max, it's so annoying and brings me and my dad down all the time. This spring break is going to drag. And I mean DRAG.

And then we have this shit with certain people that cannot be named, and someone that I really liked hates me now because of one eensy weensy thing that I should not have brought up. Seriously, there's no way I could have fucked this week up more.

That's all for today.

PS -

lyrics to my favorite song of the day :)

a lovestruck romeo sings a streetsuss serenade,
laying everybody low with a lovesong that he made.
finds a convenient streetlight, steps out of the shade,
says something like: "you and me babe, how about it?"

juliet says, "hey! it's romeo! you nearly gamme a heart attack."
he's underneath the window, she's singing, "hey la! my boyfriend's back,
you shoudn't come around here, singing up at people like that."
anyway, what you gonna do about it?

juliet, the dice were loaded from the start,
and i bet, and you exploded in my heart
and i forget i forget the movie song.
when are you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong,

come up on different streets,
they both were streets of shame.
both dirty, both mean.
yes and the dream was just the same
and i dreamed your dream for you and now your dream is real.
how can you look at me as i was just another one of your deals?

when you can fall for chains of silver, you can fall for chains of gold.
you can fall for pretty strangers and the promises they hold.
you promised me everything, you promised me thick and thin.
now you just say, "oh, romeo! yeah, you know, i used to have a scene with him."

when we made love you used to cry
you said i love you like the stars above, i'll love you till i die.
there's a place for us, you know, the movie song.
when you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong?

i can't do the talk like they talking on the tv
and i can't do a love song like the way its meant to be,
i can't do everything, but i'd do anything for you
i can't do anything except be in love with you.

and all i do is miss you and the way we used to be
all i do is keep the beat and bad company
all i do is kiss you through the bars of a rhyme
julie i'd do the stars with you any time

when we made love you used to cry
you said i love you like the stars above i'll love you till i die
there's a place for us you know the movie song
when you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong?

a lovestruck romeo sings a streetsuss serenade
laying everybody low with a lovesong that he made
finds a convenient streetlight steps out of the shade
says something like you and me babe how about it?

-Matt Nathanson's version of Romeo & Juliet.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

I hate my boobs.

Like, honestly, I need to rant about it. Because I never really have explained in depth why I hate them so much. And I'm not going to. I'll just be vague and say that they're heavy and they hurt and i hate them.


I want to wear big t shirts that make me look skinny because it just kind of cascades over my flat chest and stick arms.